Rankings

Happy Easter, gentlemen. He is risen, your pitching staffs are not, and half of you are already looking at the waiver wire the way a man looks at a breakfast buffet after forty days of fasting. One week of actual baseball has been played, and the CBA has already delivered its first round of miracles, plagues, and at least one burial. The preseason rankings I published two weeks ago aged the way all preseason rankings age — mostly fine, partially humiliating, and in one specific case so wrong that I considered deleting the entire column and pretending it never existed.

But we do not hide from our sins here. We confess them, do our penance, and publish a new set of rankings. On this holiest of weekends, I bring you the Week 2 Power Rankings: a testament to what one week of real games does to carefully constructed narratives, and a reminder that in the CBA, no lead is safe, no roster is immune, and the stone always rolls away eventually — sometimes revealing glory, sometimes revealing that your tomb was empty because you never had anything in it to begin with.

1. DELMARVA EMUS ↑2 

Benjamin son of Théoden • 1-0 | Performed +18% over expected

Someone had to be number one, and since the two teams I ranked above the Emus both opened with losses, the Emus inherit the throne by default. This is not a coronation however, its my best attempt at a process of elimination. The Banshees posted the second-lowest overperformance in the league despite having the best keeper corps in the CBA. The Mega Rats lost by 127 with a fully healthy roster and zero excuses. When both teams ahead of you trip on the steps, you walk through the door. Ben walked through the door. This is not to say that the Emus did not do their part. Ohtani remains the single most valuable asset in fantasy baseball, projected near 700 points this season, and the Marte-Seager-Devers core finished second in both middle infield and corner infield scoring. The outfield posted 249 points, also second.

There is no positional group where the Emus are truly bad — the roster is a cathedral with no cracked pillars. But Schwellenbach is gone for roughly 60 days, Lodolo and Estevez are both on the IL, and the starting pitching unit finished seventh at 186 points — with Ohtani the pitcher contributing 42 of those. The Emus are number one because everyone else made a stronger case not to be.

🌅 Rising Again: The Emus finished top-three in four of seven positional categories. No other team managed more than two. That kind of balance is harder to find than a single star, and harder to beat over 21 weeks.

🪦 On Life Support: Trevor Rogers posted 41 SP points and is currently the Emus' second-most productive starter behind Ohtani. Ben's championship case may rest on a guy most of the league forgot was rostered.

2. SYRACUSE SKY CHIEFS ↑2 

Mike • 1-0 | Performed +65% over expected

If the Emus inherited their ranking, the Sky Chiefs earned theirs the old-fashioned way — by putting up 670 points and burying the Mega Rats by 127. That is the highest margin of victory in any matchup and the second-highest score in the league, from a team whose rotation was described by some as "a collection of post-Tommy John gambles held together by one enormous man in right field." The enormous man showed up and, for the first time in recent memory, so did everyone else. Judge may be the best anchor in the league, and for at least this week, the supporting cast remembered it was allowed to contribute.

The positional data is absurd. The Sky Chiefs led the league in outfield scoring with 297 points — 48 more than anyone else — and led in middle infield at 173, powered by Turang, McGonigle, and Donovan, three names that sound like a mid-market law firm but scored like a top-shelf lineup. Alcantara led the rotation with 83 points, suggesting the Tommy John gamble might actually be paying dividends. However, Cole and Kirk both sit on the IL, and the catching slot produced just 34 points, second-worst in the league — but right now those problems are being drowned out by the sound of crushed rats. The Sky Chiefs overperformed their weekly pace by 65%. Some of that is noise. Some of it might be real. Either way, Mike earned this spot, and unlike the team above him, he did not need anyone else to lose first.

🌅 Rising Again: Smith, Simpson, and DeLauter combined for 297 outfield points. You know when your anonymous outfield outscores everyone else's stars, you have something interesting.

🪦 On Life Support: Edward Cabrera posted 42 points but has never sustained production across a full season. If the post-Tommy John arms regress, Mike is back to relying on Judge to outscore entire opposing lineups by himself. Again.

3. BRISTOL BANSHEES ↓2 

Tisdale 1 • 0-1 | Performed +15% over expected

The defending champions opened their title defense with a loss, which would be a footnote except the Banshees scored 559 points — the fifth-highest total in the league, enough to beat half the league — and still lost because they had the misfortune of drawing the Chinook on their best day. A reshuffled schedule has the Banshees at 1-0 and dreaming of a repeat. Instead they are 0-1, which is the fantasy baseball equivalent of passing the exam and finding out the class was graded on a different rubric.

The alarming part is the only +14.9% overperformance. With Soto, Carroll, and Skubal, the Banshees should be overperforming like the Sky Chiefs or Space Cowboys, not lurking in the middle. The rotation scored 171 points, eighth in the league. The catcher position produced 8 points. Eight. Omar Narvaez scored 8 points, dead last by a 25-point margin, in a slot that already averages only 45. Strider, Stowers, and Teel are all on the IL. The Banshees are still the most talented team on paper. But paper has never been worth points in this league, and right now the catcher slot is worth even less.

🌅 Rising Again: Xavier Edwards posted 54 points for the MID — more than Henderson and Bichette combined. If Edwards sustains even 70% of that pace, the Banshees found a contributor nobody saw coming.

🪦 On Life Support: The bullpen. Chapman, Fairbanks, and Garcia combined for 44 RP points, ninth in the league. With the rotation already thin, there is no safety net when a starter gets pulled early.

4. MANHATTAN MEGA RATS ↓2 

Tisdale 2 • 0-1 | Performed +24% over expected

Caleb, we need to talk. Your team is the only fully healthy roster in the entire league. Nine of ten teams are dealing with IL absences. You have zero. And you lost by 127 points — the worst defeat of opening weekend, the most lopsided margin in any matchup, the kind of result that demands confession, not consolation.

The Mega Rats finished dead last in both relief pitching (39 points, nearly half the league average) and starting pitching (150 points). Crochet and Yamamoto are the best 1-2 rotation punch in the league by reputation, but they combined for 67 SP points while Alcantara alone posted 83 for the Sky Chiefs. The outfield scored 129, seventh in the league — Merrill, Acuna, and Tatis combined for less than the Sky Chiefs' trio of guys you have to Google. Keaschall is the quiet bright spot, producing exactly as the preseason projection promised, but one hot second baseman cannot rescue a roster that went last-last in pitching with a fully healthy squad. The Mega Rats do not need a comeback. They need an explanation.

🌅 Rising Again: DJ Stewart posted 51 corner infield points, quietly the second-highest individual CIF total in the league. If Stewart keeps producing, the Mega Rats found a sneaky contributor that did not cost a keeper slot.

🪦 On Life Support: Crochet and Yamamoto were outscored by a single Sandy Alcantara start. Week 1 was one game. Week 2 against that same gap would be a pattern, and patterns are harder to explain away than flukes.

5. PORTLAND CHINOOK –

Owen • 1-0 | Performed +23% over expected

The Chinook remain exactly where they were in the preseason, which is both a compliment and the most Owen thing imaginable. A win over the defending champions sounds impressive until you notice the 40.5-point margin — one cold bat away from a loss. The Chinook continue their tradition of being good enough to avoid embarrassment and not quite good enough to inspire fear, the CBA's equivalent of a Honda Accord: reliable, respectable, and nobody's dream car.

Daylen Lile is the story. Not a keeper, not a protected asset, just a draft pickup currently outproducing every protected player on the roster. Baldwin and Raleigh combined for 79 points at catcher, best in the league by 10 — and in a position that averages just 45, that edge is massive. But the middle infield scored 73 points, dead last by 32 points below ninth place, with Albies and Turner combining for less than most teams' single best middle infielder. Four IL players including Suzuki, Holliday, Paredes, and Rodon means the depth that was supposed to be this team's identity is already thinning. Owen won the week. Whether he won anything that matters remains the eternal Chinook question.

🌅 Rising Again: Lile is outproducing every keeper on the roster. If this is real and not a one-week sugar high, Owen found a franchise-altering contributor for free.

🪦 On Life Support: Four IL players is the second-highest total in the league. The Chinook's whole identity is depth, and right now that depth is being tested before April is over.

6. SUGAR LAND SPACE COWBOYS ↑1 

Ian • 1-0 | Performed +75% over expected

The Space Cowboys put up 714.75 points — the highest total in the league, a 172.25-point margin of victory, and a +75% overperformance so extreme it looks like someone entered the score wrong. They did not. Ian simply had one of those weeks that the baseball gods hand out once a season, usually to the person who least needs the ego boost. The truly deranged part: the Space Cowboys have over 1,550 points of projected talent on the IL, more than double any other team. That is essentially a second roster sitting in a hospital bed, and the team still put up 714.

Alvarez posted 72 DH points, highest in the league by a mile. Fried's 70 SP points and Schlittler's 56 carried a pitching staff missing Wheeler, Snell, and Bieber, good for 220 SP points and third in the league. Corner infield added 123, also third. But here is where the gospel of regression must be preached: Fried is currently scoring at well over double his expected rate, and that pace is about as sustainable as a Peloton subscription in February. The Space Cowboys are the CBA's most volatile franchise — championships and 18-loss seasons in the same two-year span — and Week 1 was a perfect distillation of that chaos. The view from up here is spectacular. Alas it is also temporary.

🌅 Rising Again: When Wheeler, Snell, and Bieber come back, this team does not just get healthier — it gets terrifying. The scariest thing about 714.75 is that it might have been the floor.

🪦 On Life Support: The outfield posted just 120 points, eighth in the league. For a team that kept four outfielders, getting outscored by the Sky Chiefs' OF by 177 points is a five-alarm fire hiding behind a dominant week.

7. FT. MEADE FOLKSY FERRETS ↑1 

Dan • 0-1 | Performed +50% over expected

Here is the Week 1 story nobody is talking about: the Ferrets lost, but they overperformed their expected pace by 50.3%, third-highest in the league. Daniel scored 555.75, which beats five other teams in a reshuffled schedule. Instead he drew the Emus, the third-highest scorer of the week, and lost by 27 in a week where three games were decided by an average of 31 points. One lineup tweak and we are having a completely different conversation. The Ferrets did not play badly. They played well at the wrong time against the wrong team. The pitching staff was the best in the league, and it was not close. The Ferrets led in SP with 306 points — 76 ahead of second place, 102 above the league average. That is the most lopsided positional advantage at any position in the CBA. Soriano posted 84, the highest individual pitcher total of the week. Gausman added 58, Glasnow 41. 

The problem is the corner infield scored 41 points, dead last — which is how you lead the league in pitching and still lose. Hader on the IL and Dylan Crews languishing in the minors does not help. But Dan has made a career of proving projections wrong, and Week 1 suggests the annual sorcery may have at least one more season in it.

🌅 Rising Again: The Ferrets posted the second-best RP total at 76 points, even without Hader. When he returns, this could be the only team with elite production at both SP and RP — a combination nobody else can claim.

🪦 On Life Support: Altuve posted 65 MIF points, which sounds fine until you remember he is being kept at a price that assumes elite production while his season projection sits in the mid-300s. Every point Altuve fails to produce is a point the Ferrets cannot afford to lose. Also, again, he picked up Dylan Crews…. A minor league averaging .200 at AAA.

8. WEST VIRGINIA PEPPERONI ROLLS ↑1 

Doug • 1-0 | Performed +34% over expected

The Pepperoni Rolls scored 547.75, which ranked seventh out of ten teams. Two 0-1 teams — the Banshees (559) and Ferrets (555.75) — both scored more. In any other week, Doug loses to four or five opponents. And yet the Pepperoni Rolls are 1-0, because in a league decided by matchups rather than merit, Doug drew the one opponent he could beat and walked out of the tomb with a W that he had absolutely no business collecting. The 25.25-point margin was the slimmest of any game — less than one good pitching start separating the two — and somehow that was enough. Rising from the dead does not require looking good doing it. It just requires a pulse and a favorable schedule.

The health edge is real, though. Just one player on the IL, roughly 155 points shelved versus the league average of over 700. In a week where every other team's injury report reads like the book of Job, being the healthiest roster in the league is worth something. De La Cruz and Lopez combined for 74 middle infield points, and Christian Walker posted 63 corner infield points, the highest individual CIF total in the league. Skenes remains the highest-ceiling arm on any pitching staff. But SP scored just 155, ninth in the league, and the outfield managed 80, dead last by 21 below ninth. Doug won a game he probably should not have won, against an opponent that should probably always lose. The record says 1-0. The box score says "let's not talk about it."

🌅 Rising Again: Jhoan Duran posted 37 RP points, second-highest individual reliever total in the league. Having a closer who actually produces is the kind of quiet edge that steals a close matchup — and the Rolls already know what close matchups feel like.

🪦 On Life Support: The SP unit posted the second-lowest total at 155, with Leiter, Luzardo, and Harrison combining for 104. Skenes is the ceiling. The rest of the staff is the basement.

9. GHENT WHISTLEPIGS ↓3 

Luke Pontzer, DDS • 0-1 | Performed +14% over expected

The Whistlepigs lost to the seventh-highest scoring team in the league, which is the kind of sentence that needs a dental anesthetic because it is going to sting. That is not bad luck. That is a brand.

The 522.50 was the lowest total in the league, and the +13.8% overperformance was dead last — even teams that lost by triple digits showed more life relative to their projections. Worse, despite Kurtz projecting over 590 for the season, he scored only 13 points in Week 1 makes the projection feel more like a pipe dream than a scouting report. Brown, Musgrove, and Kelly are all on the IL. Whistlepigs have been stuck in purgatory for their entire existence — too talented to be terrible, too incomplete to contend, and always one healthy rotation away from relevance without ever actually getting one.

🌅 Rising Again: Wacha posted 46 SP points despite being nobody's idea of an ace. If Wacha can hold the fort while the IL arms heal, the Whistlepigs might survive long enough for their real pitching staff to arrive.

🪦 On Life Support: Contreras posted 44 at catcher, sixth in the league, and it was the only positional group where the Whistlepigs were even average. When your catcher is your best unit, your roster has structural issues that extend well beyond the IL.

10. NORTH GEORGIA FUZZY BOTTOMS — 

Dugan • 0-1 | Performed +23% over expected

The Fuzzy Bottoms absorbed a 172.25-point loss — the worst in the league — at the hands of a Space Cowboys team that used Dugan's roster as a canvas for their weekly masterpiece. Witt posted just 36 middle infield points while Betts contributed 32 from the IL. Marsee leads the team in projected scoring, which is either a vindication of the draft or an indictment of the keepers, and at 34-52 — the worst record in CBA history — Dugan does not get the benefit of the doubt.

The numbers are not quite as apocalyptic as the scoreboard. The Fuzzy Bottoms led the league in relief pitching with 128 points, nearly double the average of 68 — the most dominant bullpen performance in the CBA by a country mile. Romano, Santillan, and O'Brien combined for 110 of those. Sale posted 45 SP points as the rotation's most reliable arm, and deGrom remains the ultimate high-risk keeper wager. Dugan has heard this story before — the one about how the roster is "closer than you think" and the record "does not reflect the talent." At some point the talent has to produce results. Otherwise the projections are just prayers with better branding.

🌅 Rising Again: Andy Pages posted 65 outfield points, the highest individual OF total in the league. Nobody is talking about Pages because nobody talks about the Fuzzy Bottoms, but 65 points from the Dodgers 4th best outfielder demands attention.

🪦 On Life Support: Witt posted 36 middle infield points despite being one of the best players in the league. The franchise centerpiece underperforming is not new for North Georgia — but it is the reason the franchise record looks the way it does.

This edition is shorter than usual, lighter on the digressions, and missing at least two paragraphs of gratuitous personal attacks that I know some of you look forward to. I started a new job this week, and it turns out the new place actually expects me to do work during work hours, which has put a serious dent in the amount of time I can spend staring at positional scoring data and constructing elaborate insults about Luke's roster. The old job let me disappear for three hours on a Monday afternoon to write about corner infield production. The new job does not. Easter happened somewhere in the chaos. I think I attended a service. I may have dreamed it. The full-length columns with the extended roasts and the footnotes nobody asked for will return once I figure out how to look busy on a Teams call while writing about Nick Kurtz. We all have to adapt.

Set your lineups. Check your IL reports. See you next week.

Welcome to Opening Day, gentlemen. The first pitch has not been thrown, no one has been hurt yet, and every single one of you believes this is your year. That delusion is what makes spring beautiful. Today marks my first edition of the 2026 CBA Power Rankings, and if I can manage it, you should expect one of these landing roughly every week throughout the season. Think of it as a public service, or personal procrastination that fills up your inbox.

For now these rankings are based on post-draft rosters, projected production, keeper strength, how much I trust managers to actually be good at fantasy, and, most importantly, the unquantifiable vibes each franchise radiates heading into the year. Nobody has played a game. Nobody has gotten hurt. Nobody has made a panic trade for a 13th round pick (Dan). All of that is still ahead of us, and when it happens, these rankings will shift accordingly. For now, this is the landscape as the Cherry Blossoms bloom and the CBA thaws into its fifth glorious season.

1. BRISTOL BANSHEES

Tisdale 1 • 13-9 all-time | Defending Champion

The defending champions return a keeper corps that is not just the best in the league but arguably the best the CBA has ever assembled. Soto, Carroll, Skubal, Roman Anthony in his first full season, Gunnar Henderson still only 24. The Banshees drafted Bo Bichette and Vinnie Pasquantino to fill out the middle of the lineup, and both project as above-average contributors. The Banshees are who we are all chasing, which is exactly where they have always been since they took over Andrew’s team. The rotation behind Skubal and Sanchez has real upside if it hits: Spencer Strider returning from Tommy John could slot right back into ace territory, Kris Bubic is a solid mid-rotation arm, and Robbie Ray gives them a competent back-end option. The question is not whether this is the best roster in the league. The question is whether anyone can do anything about it.

🌱 Look forward to: Literally the Banshees’ entire core of 26 year old superstars. If healthy, this is the top-tier team and makes this roster untouchable.

⚠️ Worry about: Pitcher depth. If the Tommy John ghost comes for any of his stars, the rotation depth that looks fine on paper starts to thin quickly.

2. MANHATTAN MEGA RATS

Tisdale 2 • 41-43 all-time | 2023 champion

The other Tisdale brother slots in right behind the first, because apparently this league is a family business now. The Mega Rats went 16-6 last year when Acuña was healthy and 5-17 the year before when he was not, which tells you everything about how this franchise operates. Crochet and Yamamoto form one of the best 1-2 rotation punches in the league, and the lineup behind Acuña is genuinely deep: Tatis, Schwarber, Junior Caminero, and Jackson Merrill all project well. Luke Keaschall out of Minnesota is the most interesting sleeper in the entire draft, projecting north of 560, the kind of pick that looks like either a stroke of genius or a waste of a roster spot by June. The concern, as always, is that one ligament in Ronald Acuña Jr.’s knee is the load-bearing wall for this entire franchise.

🌱 Look forward to: Luke Keaschall. The projection model loves him, and if it is right, Caleb got a top-10 second baseman at a discount.

⚠️ Worry about: Acuña’s knee, obviously. This team’s ceiling and floor are separated by about 11 wins.

3. DELMARVA EMUS

Benjamin son of Théoden • 48-37 all-time | 0 championships | The Curse lives

Here they are again. The best all-time record in the league, zero championships, and the most talented roster that somehow finds new and creative ways to not close. The 2025 Emus scored more points than any team in CBA history and still did not win it all, which is the kind of stat that should come with a therapist referral. Ohtani is the single most valuable asset in fantasy baseball, so much so that I have spent several hours trying to get my projection model to literally just understand how he is able to do everything. Marte, Devers, Corey Seager, and CJ Abrams give the Emus a lineup that can hang with everyone. The rotation is solid if unspectacular behind Valdez and Lodolo, with Joe Ryan offering a dependable mid-rotation arm. The back of the roster is where the questions live: Carlos Correa and Trevor Story both project in the high 300s, which is playable but underwhelming for a team with championship expectations. Bench depth is the one genuine concern, with Jo Addell actually being rostered in a ten team league in 2026, making him the weakest link on a roster that otherwise has no excuse not to win it all.

🌱 Look forward to: Corey Seager healthy. If healthy and hitting he is an elite shortstop, and if he plays a full season the Emus have a top-five lineup with no real holes.

⚠️ Worry about: The Curse. Four years of being the best team on paper with nothing to show for it. At some point Ben has to wonder if the universe is trying to tell him something.

4. SYRACUSE SKY CHIEFS

Mike • 42-43 all-time | 0 championships

Aaron Judge is the best, non-Shoehi player on any roster in the entire league. Geraldo Perdomo broke out for 700 fantasy points last season, suggesting the Sky Chiefs might actually have a legitimate second star. And yet this team scored more points than anyone in 2025 and went 12-10, which is the CBA equivalent of acing every exam and still getting a B+. The lineup is deep and underrated: Bregman, Brice Turang, and Brendan Donovan all project as around 500 point players, which gives Mike something he has almost never had, a quietly excellent middle class of contributors. The rotation is where this team will live or die. Gerrit Cole is back from a lost 2025 and could be solid…. if he stays on the mound. Bryan Woo is a legitimate mid-rotation arm. But the fate of this staff hinges on Zac Gallen, Sandy Alcantara, and Edward Cabrera. All three offer enormous variance: this could be a deep set of low-cost stars in the making, or it could represent everything the Sky Chiefs are in 2026, a collection of post-Tommy John gambles that drags the entire pitching staff down like a house of cards.

🌱 Look forward to: Gerrit Cole’s comeback. If he is the Cole of old, this rotation goes from decent to genuinely deep.

⚠️ Worry about: The entire rotation beyond Woo is built on has-beens trying to recapture past glory and will-bes who have not proven anything yet. The nightmare scenario is that none of them ever arrive, and Mike spends another season watching the best lineup in the league get dragged down by a pitching staff full of potential that never materialized.

5. PORTLAND CHINOOK

Owen • 45-40 all-time | 0 championships | 1 playoff appearance

The Chinook are the Israelites of the CBA, wandering through a desert of above-average seasons with the promised land always visible on the horizon but never getting any closer. They have been above .500 for four years, have exactly one playoff appearance to show for it. At this point Owen has to be wondering whether there is a baseball prophet out there capable of leading this franchise to something that actually matters or if this is just what the Chinook are forever. Cal Raleigh is the best catcher in fantasy baseball and represents maybe the best position-scarcity value on any roster. Byron Buxton is the annual "if he plays 130 games" dream, and Daylen Lile out of Washington is a legitimate breakout candidate.

Further, a rotation of Logan Gilbert, Cole Ragans, George Kirby, and Carlos Rodon is the definition of a Oregon woodsman: unassuming but always willing to cut down another hitter. However, Freddie Freeman trending in a direction that should make Owen start thinking about the future and you wonder who is the future face of this franchise… Drake Baldwin?. This is a team built on depth rather than stars, which is fine until the playoffs arrive and depth stops mattering. Four years of wandering is a long time. The question is whether 2026 is the year the Chinook finally find the promised land, or whether Owen will forever lead the people of the PNW in circles.

🌱 Look forward to: Byron Buxton playing a full season. We say this every year. One of these years it will actually happen, and the Chinook become a real threat.

⚠️ Worry about: No true ace on the pitching staff. Four decent arms is nice in the regular season, but October rewards teams with someone who can dominate a week.

6. WARREN WHISTLEPIGS

Luke Pontzer, DDS • 40-45 all-time | 0 championships | 0 playoff appearances

Four seasons. Zero playoff appearances. The Whistlepigs have been “building toward something” for the entirety of their existence, and 2026 is the year that excuse either pays off or expires. Nick Kurtz with a project points of over 600 is a legitimate franchise cornerstone at first base, the kind of rookie who projects as elite for a decade. Emmet Sheehan is the most interesting name on any roster in the league, a Dodgers pitching prospect projecting above 550 who could be a league-winner if the number is real. Brandon Woodruff and Kyle Bradish raw are both returning from injury and could give Luke a genuinely deep rotation if healthy. The bullpen is quietly excellent with Andres Munoz (it should be after taking 3 RP in the first 10 rounds). William Contreras gives the Whistlepigs strong production at catcher. With the overall picture more promising than it has ever been for this franchise it begs the question… should AI always draft for Luke?. Luke finally has real pieces. Now he has to prove he knows what to do with them.

🌱 Look forward to: Emmet Sheehan’s emergence. If the projection is even close to right, the Whistlepigs found an ace in the draft.

⚠️ Worry about: The franchise never making the playoffs. At some point that stops being bad luck and starts being a pattern.

7. SUGAR LAND SPACE COWBOYS

Ian • 40-45 all-time | 2x champion | 2025: 4-18

The most confounding franchise in the CBA is back after a 4-18 catastrophe, which followed a championship the year before, which followed another mediocre finish, which followed the first championship. There is no middle ground with this team. The starting lineup is absurdly deep: Alvarez, Chourio, Crow-Armstrong, James Wood, and Ramirez who can slot anywhere. Four of six keepers are outfielders, which is either a genius positional advantage or a sign that the manager does not know what an infield is. Max Fried could form the top of a genuinely elite rotation, with Zach Wheeler, Blake Snell, Nolan McLean, Shane Bieber, Cam Schittler, and Trey Yesavage. Alternatively, he could be the only pitcher to actually start more than 10 games and the Cowboys could be left flailing on the waiver wire like they seem to do every other year. Howveer, two Japanese imports in Murakami and Imai add the genuine wildcard energy the Space Cowboys thrive on, either contributing to this team chasing down a historic third title production or occupying roster spots that could have been spent on actual contributors.

🌱 Look forward to: Yordan Alvarez returning to form. If he is the Yordan of old, this lineup goes from deep to suffocating, with no easy outs from top to bottom and no place for opposing managers to hide.

⚠️ Worry about: The rotation behind Fried has a high probability of being a parade of mid. Enough just fine arms to lead this team to the one destination it has never visited: just fine.

8. FT. MEADE FOLKSY FERRETS

Dan • 47-37 all-time | 0 championships | 0 playoff wins

The Ferrets went 15-7 last season, which was the best record in the league and their best season ever. They still did not win a championship. Welcome to the other side of the CBA’s Curse, where the Ferrets and the Emus compete annually for “best franchise to never win anything.” The problem heading into 2026 is that the overall roster total is one of the lowest in the league by projected production, and the top of the roster does not quite have the firepower to compensate. Kyle Tucker is quietly one of the most underrated keepers in the league and Vlad Guerrero Jr. gives them a strong first base anchor. Cody Bellinger and Jazz Chisholm provide real lineup depth. But here is the uncomfortable truth about this franchise: for four years the Ferrets have managed to paper over a mid-roster, leaning on schedule luck, favorable matchups, and a revolving door of last-day streaming pitchers to manufacture wins the underlying production did not earn.

This year, with one of the lowest projected scoring totals in the league, only seven rotation slots to fill, an core anchored by an aging Altuve, and a rotation where Gausman and Glasnow are both diminished versions of their former selves it feels like the year the paper tiger finally goes up in flames. Daniel has been playing with house money for a long time. The house may be about to collect.

🌱 Look forward to: Cody Bellinger’s bounce-back potential and Josh Hader anchoring an elite bullpen slot.

⚠️ Worry about: Jose Altuve’s keeper slot. At 378 raw he is a below-average starter being held at a price that assumes he is still elite. The Ferrets cannot afford that kind of inefficiency with one of the worst rosters in the league.

9. WEST VIRGINIA PEPPERONI ROLLS

Doug • 39-46 all-time | 0 championships | 2025: 5-17

The Pepperoni Rolls are the franchise that keeps promising you it will get its act together and then shows up to every party looking exactly the same. Back-to-back playoff appearances in 2022-23 feel like ancient history after going 8-14 and then 5-17 in consecutive seasons, the kind of freefall that makes you wonder if DOug has considered a rebrand. The good news is that Skenes anchors one of the younger, more exciting cores in the league. The lineup is genuinely fun: Julio Rodriguez, Elly De La Cruz, Wyatt Langford, and Pete Alonso all project in the 500s, which is the kind of quartet that can carry a week when everything clicks but also leaves you pulling your hair out when De La Cruz decides to strike out nine times in four days. Sweet bay Shane returning from Tommy John could be a massive addition, and Jesus Luzardo and Andrew Abbott both project in the low 400s as legitimate mid-rotation pieces. Further, this rotation is actually deeper than people realize if health cooperates, which is admittedly a big "if" for a staff built on comeback arms. Christian Yelich and Ian Happ add veteran lineup depth, and Jhoan Duran is an elite closer. Mike Trout is also here, because apparently Morgantown thinks its Lake Placid and it believes in miracles. However, the bones of a contender exist here. The question is whether Doug can assemble them before the rest of the league laps him for a third straight year.

🌱 Look forward to: Shane McClanahan’s return. If he and Skenes are both right, the rotation has real top-to-bottom depth and the Pepperoni Rolls are a playoff team.

⚠️ Worry about: Drafting Mike Trout. That sentence used to be exciting. Now it is a lottery ticket the people of West Virginia probably did not need to buy.

10. NORTH GEORGIA FUZZY BOTTOMS

Dugan • 34-51 all-time | 0 championships | 0 playoff appearances

How do you own Bobby Witt Jr. and Mookie Betts and have the worst record in league history? The Fuzzy Bottoms have been asking this question for four years and the answer has always been the same: the supporting cast could not keep up. This year the lineup actually looks improved: Luis Arraez, Chris Sale , Shota Imanaga , and Jakob Marsee, a Miami prospect projecting above 500 points despite nobody knowing who he is. Marsee is either the steal of the draft or the most baffling projection of the year, and nobody will know which until June. The rotation behind deGrom and Sale could have some real pieces in Ryan Pepiot and Gavin Williams, both of whom are usable mid-to-back rotation arms. The genuine weakness is the rest of the pitching staff: Bailey Ober, Griffin Jax, and Ian Seymour would be a weak MLB rotation much less a fantasy pitching staff, and if Dugan needs to rely on any of them in a meaningful week, it is going to hurt. The Fuzzy Bottoms are closer to competitive than their 34-51 record suggests, but that record is a heavy thing to carry into a fifth season.

🌱 Look forward to: Jakob Marsee. Nobody knows who he is. The model thinks he is a star. If it is right, Dugan may have a long term replacement for an aging set of keepers.

⚠️ Worry about: The bottom three arms on this pitching staff combine for about 600 projected points. That is one great starter spread across three roster spots.

So there it is. Ten teams, ten different ways to talk yourself into contention, and at least one Maryland manager who will send me an angry text by Week 3 asking why they are ranked too low. The Tisdales own the top two rosters and are going to make the rest of us miserable about it. The Emus and Ferrets will continue their tragic parallel quest for a trophy that may never come. The Space Cowboys will do something insane in either direction. And somewhere in the back, Dugan will look at Bobby Witt Jr.’s stat line and will host a sprite-sponsored press conference about how this is the year he goes above .500.

The beauty of Opening Day is that none of this has happened yet. Every roster looks better on paper than it will in August. Every sleeper pick is a future star until he is a future waiver wire casualty. Everyone is confident (except Ben), optimistic (except Ian), and about two weeks away from their first existential crisis. Tomorrow is for pain. Tomorrow is for injuries, for bad matchups, for the slow realization that your draft was not as clever as you thought it was at midnight. But today? Today hope springs eternal. Set your lineups, start your engines, and raise a glass to the fifth season of the CBA. This is the year we crown our first three-time champion. See you next week.